Dearest Little Swan,
It’s some days now that in between your laughters at play, you moan and groan, scream and shout. You rebel and you suffer. There is a bit of jealousy, a bit of fatigue from that chronic cough, a bit of frustration, some anger and a lot of rage.
We get caught in finding a solution for you, trying to alleviate your suffering. What’s going on? We ask. And as you continue to moan and groan and scream : NOOOOOOO! and shut the door, hiding in your room we feel …
Well, the little rebel inside of your mum, feels proud of you. You set your boundaries even if for now, you do it with pain and violence. It’s a wonderful start. When I was your age, not even 4 years old, I really was not able to do that!
We feel stressed and the fire slowly heats up in our own bellies because of whatever commitment it is that we are going to miss when you are refusing to get dressed right when we need to leave home; or because of all the energy this sucks up in us.
We feel our own helplessness as our minds run amok trying to find a solution.
We feel sad as we really would like to help you and we don’t understand what is going on.
It occurred to me this morning that we are running on a very common yet false belief that parents know better than their children. Why should we find the solution?
In a way, it is very disrespectful to your own integrity as a human being that we assume you don’t know.
I am wondering if this simple question wouldn’t open the gate: “how can we help you? What do you need from us right now?”. Instead of trying to point ourselves what these needs are.
I am eager to try this now my little Swan and stay with you, hold the space while you search inside yourself. As your emotions become more complex, finding yourself what your needs are is an important skill for life. Reading through the emotions without censoring, without the dichotomy of this one is good and this one is bad…
Will this help? I don’t know. Let’s see.