Dear Little Swans,
I tell you each day that I love you for who you are. I do that to remind myself that this is how I want to love you.
I don’t even love myself for who I am. How could I?
My parents didn’t love me for who I was; their parents didn’t love them for who they were and neither did their parents, nor their parents’ parents… and all the way back to the first ancestor who got tangled up in this story of believing that in order to be loved, we need to do something, earn something, bargain and conquer.
And I am pulling out these threads that are tied into my unconscious and release them. It is a very conscious exercise to remind myself each day that I want to accept all of who I am.
I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF, ALL OF IT AND EXACTLY HOW IT IS JUST NOW.
I notice the resistance and the voice of perfection that kicks in to say:
But how can you love your angry self, your impatient self, your blaming self?
I have many times bought into that voice and answered: you are right. How can I? And many times, I didn’t have enough space between myself and this voice and it got me right back into my old story of victimhood, of not being good enough, of not deserving this and that… Back into what I call my dirty old swamp. It is really dirty, filthy and viral.
And I know it’s there, that swamp. So right now, I am not really loving myself for who I am because I am also that swamp which I really don’t like. Instead, I am loving myself for who I want to be and yes, this means that I have to embrace that swamp too.
I LOVE AND ACCEPT MYSELF, ALL OF IT AND EXACTLY HOW IT IS JUST NOW. Even my dirty old swamp.
The truth, Little Swans, is that PERFECTION is a nasty trap. You’ll probably fall into it too, just as I did. It is vey charming because everyone in this world seems to be attracted to it. It lures itself in our lives if we are not vigilant. It sucks your energy, it pervades all your being and lives you sterile and fearful of life.
There’s no way I can protect you from PERFECTION because it is everywhere. Except that I had this idea. As I repeat to you every day how I love you for who you are, catching you by surprise, I know I am planting a strong seed that one day, when you too will do your despair work, you will find and you will know that this is truth: you are absolutely lovable and worthy of love just because you are.